The general consensus of 2-3 months salary is considered a good benchmark for an engagement ring. Sheesh! Heck, I remember when I considered 1 month’s salary as a good start but maybe I just hadn’t thought it through.
I love love right… I mean I do… but let’s put that in perspective…
That’s 6 of my checks – saved – that’s either no bills paid, no food eaten – or (more romantically/responsibly) suppressed spending for about 6 months.
Ladies; if your man got all frugal on you for 6 months he’d probably go in the dog house without even knowing why. And you’ll have committed an act of treason by condemning him for cutting off the spigot.
A good calculation I’ve chuckled at is, “Her ring should cost as much as she’s helped him save by being with her.” A very interesting proposition but it didn’t seem to be gaining any traction.
Although most guys probably wouldn’t blink twice about not eating good for 6 months to pad the down payment for a house for her.
A ring is just an accessory. Case closed, right?
There are number of reasonable rebuttals for the above arguments but I’m wondering if I’ll ever hear them from anyone. Maybe I’ll just make some up on my own.
- Reasonable Rebuttal #1: This symbol of love should last a lifetime.
- Reasonable Rebuttal #2: A good price means a good warranty to maintain investment over time.
- Reasonable Rebuttal #3: She was integral in your earning potential being what it is in the first place – you’re merely returning the favor.
- Reasonable Rebuttal #4: A gesture of genuine sacrifice is needed to codify your commitment.
- Reasonable Rebuttal #5: We spend twice as much on vehicles that will be discarded in less than 5 years.
- Reasonable Rebuttal #6: She’s demonstrated that she is not only worth the spend but she’ll return the favor in loyalty.
I cracked my knuckles and moved on. Surely if a case was going to be made to spend big bucks on an engagement ring I’ve covered it sufficiently. Well, I obviously was met with rebuttals… to my rebuttals… and then I responded with yet more rebuttals. Just read.
Rebuttal to my rebuttal #1: me being here is a symbol of my love… and that will last a lifetime.
That’s a hard sell. She would probably just reply “so why get married at all if you just being with her is enough”. A marriage is an on-purpose departure from singleness. It is in itself a symbol.
A marriage should be full of symbols and demonstrations of love. It certainly shouldn’t stop at the 1 item of clothing she will be wearing for the rest of the time she knows you.
Rebuttal for my rebuttal #2… gold doesn’t fade… you don’t have to spend $10,000 to have a warranty…
Well regular cleanings, sizing, retouching, replacements, insurance, resetting, adding anniversary goodies all come at a premium if that warranty ain’t right.
Rebuttal for my rebuttal #3…I believe I had a job when I met her…and I’m pretty sure I’ll have one if she leaves…
Be that as it may, extraordinary women come with perks. They don’t just cheer on the sidelines (which is great too), they help with papers, they help with reports, they help rehearse lines and write scripts… the regular ones a “good thing” but the cold ones expose a man to a whole new set of blessings. I think that could be considered worth an extra month of Steak-umm®.
Rebuttal for my rebuttal #5… we spend twice as much as that on vehicles that are eventually discarded, but those vehicles also have an actual use…people rent cars…borrow cars…does anybody rent rings?
This was an easy one. All I’ll say on that is try telling a potential wife her ring will be of no use. Good luck.
Rebuttal for rebuttal #6…she should be loyal for richer or poorer…I thought her loyalty came with it…
I’d considered this thought as well. Loyalty is definitely a requisite of marriage – but a good marriage is full of reassurances and promises to never take advantage of someone’s loyalty. So demonstrations of commitment go a LONG way during a woman’s daily thought processes. How happy she will make him is decided largely on how many of these demonstrations she consistently sees.
It’s a touchy subject but I would definitely consider loyalty weighed, not in finances, but in sacrifices. That means showing her an above & beyond sacrifice speaks volumes about your commitment to her.
Here’s the funny part – I’m an advocate for being frugal in every way you can. These rebuttals are a result of the conversations I know I’ll have to have when that day comes. I’m just trying to see the other side. And frankly the other side seems pretty reasonable. 2 months now doesn’t seem like such a stretch. And 2-3 will definitely just seem like overkill if you don’t subscribe to what was discussed here. I think the key is to not let it overwhelm you – but be very thoughtful.
If you really want to get gangster and be a faith-buff you’ll open an account specifically to save for a ring before you even have a candidate. But that’s another conversation.